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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in wishing you were a ghost's LiveJournal:

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    Wednesday, September 15th, 2004
    9:44 pm
    im not writing in this anymore.

    highschool is fucking overrated.

    i only love lou, ing, and lyn.

    fuck the rest of you.

    i miss dan 1.5.
    he still talks to us and hes
    away at college.
    what a fucking good guy.
    3 ? <3
    Saturday, September 11th, 2004
    8:19 pm

    I feel like things have fallen

    apart. I mean they have, so its

    safe to come to that conclusion.

    I feel like I dont know you anymore.

    And I know you dont know me.

    Do you remember last year?

    Do you remember smiling?

    Do you remember your face hurting

    from laughing so hard?

    Why is nothing the same anymore.

    Change is okay, you need change.

    But I dont think I was expecting this.

    I know I wasnt expecting this.

    I thought through the years you would

    all be there.  But we were quicly

    replaced.  I didnt think we could be

    replaced.  You can't be replaced.

     

    I feel alone, but the thought of

    where you are and what your doing

    right now, makes me feel dead.

    <3

     

    the summer comes so close.

    but no one knows what we know.

    no one knows...

     



    Current Mood: blah
    Current Music: reinventing the exit
    1 ? <3
    Thursday, September 9th, 2004
    3:37 pm
    something has gone terribly wrong
    well school started.
    gay.

    ian and alyssa go to
    our school now.
    schweet.
    and tommy came back from
    central which is sweet too.
    i hear justin is coming to
    western too. dont know though.

    classes are retarted but
    i have photo with ing
    and adam griffin is in our
    class. seems like a cool kid.
    i love that class.

    I MISS LYN THIRD HOUR. REAL PISSED.

    and our school is amazing and flodded
    today. i was in math and our room
    started filling up with all the water
    from the sewer cause it was backed up.
    nice. thats western for ya.


    Your lungs have failed and they both
    stopped breathing. My heart is dead
    and its way past beating.

    Current Music: a boy brused red...livingin black and white
    3 ? <3
    Monday, September 6th, 2004
    9:56 pm
    those notes you wrote me, i kept them all
    hmmm..

    i spent the night
    at lyns last night
    with her and linds.
    both amazing girls.
    went out with lou
    to see napoleon dynamtite.
    that movie never gets old.

    spent some time with lyn
    today and came home and
    lou came over and we
    rented the passion and
    watched that. never watching
    that again. we colored for
    my mom and then made playdough
    for her kids tomorrow.

    got an unexpected call tonight.
    kinda made me smile.

    lou went home and i went online
    and took a shower. i need to
    finish some coloring for my
    mom and then go to bed.

    i hate school.

    Current Mood: eh
    Current Music: nothing
    1 ? <3
    Saturday, September 4th, 2004
    11:09 pm
    for all of this
    I'm done caring.
    Because you dont
    have half a fucking
    brain or heart to
    see how much i did
    care. I got nothing
    in return. So I'm done.

    fuck you.

    Current Mood: frustrated
    Current Music: i want to hear you sad
    2 ? <3
    Friday, September 3rd, 2004
    6:17 pm
    this vacations useless
    end of summer thing. dont know who i got it from.

    TEN Things You Did
    (001.) hung out with my friends
    (002.) saw kaitlyn, once but it was amazing.
    (003.) went to california
    (004.) went up north like 8 times
    (005.) saw katie again
    (006.) got over an asshole
    (007.) met new kids
    (008.) got in trouble
    (009.) got my belly button pierced
    (010.) stuff

    NINE Favorite Bands or Singers of the Summer
    (001.) underoath
    (002.) tbs
    (003.) postal service
    (004.) brand new
    (005.) matchbook romance
    (006.) further seems forever
    (007.) badly drawn boi
    (008.) franz ferdinand
    (009.) bright eyes


    Places You Ate At
    (001.) burger king
    (002.) b-bubbs
    (003.) subway
    (004.) chinese
    (005.) fast food places in cali
    (006.) rain forest cafe
    (007.) gonchos
    (008.) bluewater grill


    SEVEN Things that Annoyed You
    (001.) grounding
    (002.) parents
    (003.) curfew
    (004.) weather
    (005.) guys
    (006.) fountain walk
    (007.) curfew

    SIX Things You Bought
    (001.) food
    (002.) ticket
    (003.) birthday present
    (004.) a ring I lost
    (005.) 2 pretzels
    (006.) clothes

    FIVE Things You Accomplished
    (001.) letting go of someone
    (002.) learning not to care
    (003.) realizing who I need
    (004.) saw how lucky I was
    (005.) spoke my mind

    FOUR Movies You Saw
    (001.) a cinderella story
    (002.) basketball diaries
    (003.) napolean dynomite (everyone saw that)
    (004.) fight club

    THREE Things You Wish You Did
    (001.) wasn’t gay
    (002.) made more friends
    (003.) saw kaitlyn MORE

    TWO Rules You Broke
    (001.) drank
    (002.) stole

    ONE Thing You LOVED About This Summer
    (001.) being with my friends

    Current Mood: tired
    Current Music: boxcar racer
    1 ? <3
    1:32 am
    hey
    nothing cool happened today.
    went to a game. then fountain
    walk again. saw tommy and the
    rest of the kids. scotty picked
    us up and talked to will delgado.
    he told us a funny story tonight.
    cool kid.


    um i drew alot today. like i have
    been everyday lately. its cool.

    phalin pranked me like 10 times
    tonight but it was cool talking
    to a burping napkin.

    <3
    welcome to crazyworld

    Current Mood: yep
    Current Music: franz ferdinand
    <3
    Wednesday, September 1st, 2004
    5:38 pm
    i buried you along with my heart
    I'm spending sunday
    afternoon AND monday with
    Lyn. I'm super stoked.

    your just jealous because
    lyn and i are young and
    madly in love.


    I'm going out to dinner
    tonight for my grandmas
    birthday. Dont know
    whats happening later
    tonight. call if you
    wanna chill.

    Current Mood: eh
    Current Music: mb-shadows like statues
    6 ? <3
    Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
    1:19 am
    yeah
    today
    we went to a bbq
    at gunner metalla.
    it was cool but
    everyone was getting
    bit by misquitos
    so we left and
    went to fountain
    walk. i mean
    where else would
    we go? we were up
    there for a while.
    saw adam, mandas
    brother.
    saw mike, he told
    me how much he
    hated me.
    awesome.

    then everyone
    started leaving
    and dan and them
    went to the railroad
    tracks and rich wanted
    to go to 711 i think.
    i met this guy named will
    at vans. he was cool.
    pretty cute too.
    we decided to leave, so
    we did. then everyone ended
    up back there. so dan, ty, mark,
    taj, justin, and ian met us
    in front of my subdivision and
    we just hung out for like 20
    minutes. now we're here.
    just watched some more
    home videos.

    im done.

    later.

    Current Mood: ya know
    Current Music: maroon 5- she will be loved
    <3
    Monday, August 30th, 2004
    6:35 pm
    sing us a song tonight
    today was nice.
    watched some tv
    with my brother.
    drew a bit.

    then ing and lou
    came over and we
    watched some home
    videos that made me
    happy. got to see
    my uncle that died
    a couple years ago.
    i was a cool kid.

    now we're about to
    go up to gunner matella
    for some bbq with the guys
    and probably girls too lol.

    so im out kiddos.

    laaaaater.

    cause he knows its been me
    hes been coming to see to
    forget abot life for a while.


    later.








    poo.

    Current Mood: manly
    Current Music: billy joel- the piano man
    <3
    Sunday, August 29th, 2004
    12:47 pm
    and theres no light
    hmm.

    yesterday night.
    lou and i went to
    kays house. met chalise,
    kara, and jamie. they all left
    with chalise's boyfriend and
    we waited for ing and addy
    to get there and we left.
    so we went down the road from
    hell and finally got there.
    i knew about no one. but we
    found dan, justin, ian, mark,
    taj, and keith and mike were
    coming. saw some people i've
    heard of. saw some people
    i didnt wanna see. so we went
    to get drinks and they were gone
    we thought. so we just went
    outside where everyone was just
    getting high and cool stuff.
    not me. we just walked around
    and kay took us inside to get
    alcohol from this girls physco
    raping dad that was taking
    pictures of drunk girls, and
    somone yells cops so everyone
    threw their drinks out and
    ran through all the neighbors
    backyards and they got pissed.
    it was like a fucking stampede
    of everyone just running down
    the streets. it was a false
    alarm so we were gonna take
    katies drunk ass back to the
    party but then everyone
    started running again and i guess
    the cops did show up and like
    masses of cars just started leaving.
    katie was rambling about a watermelon
    the whole time. but um a bunch of
    drunk people found us. and then dan
    and taj went to get their cars to get
    us and dan got lost but taj came by
    and got some people but left me, mark,
    and jay. jay ran cause he was a little
    drunk but i was fine so i didnt care.
    i waited with mark. and some cops came
    and talked to us. then somehow we ended
    up back at shellys house and i left
    with lou and ing, addy, and kay stayed
    and got a ride to lou's from alex and
    peter. just random kids offering a ride.
    they stayed at lou's for a while.
    watched katie make a complete fool of
    herself. good times. they left and
    i have no idea what we even did.

    kays mom took me home this morning.
    im going to my aunts house today.
    probably spending the night
    with maria. cause i love her
    alot.

    sorry, long entry.

    later.

    Current Mood: nothing
    Current Music: bright eyes- pull my hair
    12 ? <3
    Saturday, August 28th, 2004
    3:58 pm
    hey
    i slept at lou's last
    night. we ordered pizza
    and made chocolate
    covered strawberries.
    drank some shit.
    watched tommy boy.
    i drew all night.
    went online some.
    slept. woke up at
    7 in the morning
    and watched making
    of some movie for like
    20 mins and fell back
    asleep.

    we woke up and ate chocolate
    waffles. watched drumline
    and then i went home.
    dad ran me to the mall to get
    pants. came home, showered,
    cleaned my room, and now im gonna
    draw some more and eat.

    im going to a party tonight with
    lou and katie. hopefully
    ing and addy can get a ride.
    its some shelly girls.
    dont know her but its an open
    party.
    i think the boys will be there.
    so everyone will probably get drunk.
    but no drugs or cigarettes for me.
    will-power is fucking amazing.
    sleeping at kay's or lous.
    dont know.

    im done rambling.

    later.

    Current Mood: cool
    Current Music: american idiot
    <3
    Friday, August 27th, 2004
    5:39 pm
    i put in that
    survey 3 times
    but it wont go away.

    sorry.
    bear with me kids.
    <3
    3:08 pm
    im not gonna make it
    1. First Name: rachel
    2. Hair Color: dark brown
    3. Middle Name: lauren
    4. Hair Style: kinda long
    5. Eye Color: hazel
    6. Height: gay
    8. Birthday: september 20
    9. Zodiac Sign: virgo
    10. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: no
    11. Do you have a crush?: no

    Favorites
    1. Favorite Animal: don’t have one
    2. Favorite Sport: none
    3. Favorite Color(s):
    blue, brown, pink, and light green
    4. Favorite Friend(s): ....all of them
    6. Favorite Song(s):
    something corporate- konstantine
    7. Favorite Movie Quote: don’t care
    8. Favorite Store: random places
    9. Favorite Feeling: happy
    10. Favorite Shoe: dvs dresdens
    11. Favorite Scent: none
    12. Do You Wear Make-Up?: eyeliner.
    13. Which is more important,
    personality or looks?: personality
    14. What kind of personality
    do you like in a guy/girl?:
    funny, cool, nice, caring,
    not gay romantic type, keeps
    converstaions
    15. Do you move fast or slow
    in a relationship?:
    I got with the flow. And that
    flow is usually slow.
    16. What is your idea of the
    perfect guy/girl?: they make me happy
    17. Would you ever ask someone out?: depends
    18. Do you prefer blondes or
    brunettes?: don’t care

    Love, Life & Friends
    1. What is the first thing you notice about somone?:
    Lips and eyes
    2. When's the last time you cried?: cant remember
    3. What do you want to be when you grow up?:
    photographer and art therapist
    4. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: t
    hey’re in my bed somewhere. Don’t care.
    5. How far have you gotten?: in life?
    6. Do you like someone right now?: nope
    7. Do they know?:
    if they do, they know something I don’t know.
    8. Do you have a best friend?: I sure do

    In The Past 24 Hours have you..
    1. Had a serious talk?: yes
    2. Hugged someone?: yeah
    3. Gotten along well with your parents?: yeah
    4. Fought with a friend?: kind of

    Do you like to...
    1. Do you like to give hugs? yeah
    2. Give back rubs?: no, I like getting them
    3. Take walks in the rain?:
    yeah it’s the new cool thing to do
    4. Do you ever have one of those falling dreams?:
    once. Me and ingrid died together.
    5. What is on the walls of your room?:
    pictures, poems, songs, writing
    6. When you chew gum, what etc..kind?:
    whatevers there
    7. Do you use chap stick?: yeah.

    In the last month have/did you...
    1. Drink?: yeah
    2. Smoke?: no
    3. Drugs?: no
    4. Have Sex?: no
    5. Made Out?: nope
    6. Go on a date?: nope
    8. Go to the mall?: yeah
    9. Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: no
    10. Eaten sushi?: no
    11. Been on stage?: no
    12. Been dumped?: no
    13: Had someone unfaithful to you?:
    not really
    14. Watched The Smurfs? nope
    15. Hiked a mountain?: no
    16. Made homemade cookies?: yeah
    17. Been in love?: fuck that

    More stuff.
    1. Are you popular? no.
    2. Are you pretty?: don’t think so
    4. What is your favorite word to say: …
    5. What is your favorite phrase to say?: …
    6.what are you doing right now?: talking online
    7. What song are you listening to?: nothing
    8. What are you wearing?:
    black volcom shirt and grey sweatpants

    Preferences-pick.
    1. Cold or hot?: depends
    2. Lace or satin?: neither
    3. Blue or Red?: blue.
    4. New or old?: old.
    5. Rain or snow?: rain.
    6. Give or receive?: both are cool
    7. Wool or cotton?: cotton.
    8. Rose or Daisy?: rose
    9. Private school or public school?: depends
    10. Chocolate milk or plain milk?: chocolate.
    11. Celsius or Fahrenheit?: don’t care
    12. Spring or Fall?: both
    13. Inny or outty?: in
    14. Now or then?: who cares
    15. How many fingers am I holding up?:
    cool question
    16. Scent?: my old school
    17. English or Math?: english
    18. Bath or shower?: depends.
    19. Bedtime phrase?: later
    20. Self-stick or lick?: self stick
    21. Cursive or print?: print
    22. Do you like surprises?: sure
    23. Paranoid or Cautious?: none
    24. Heights or Crowds?: depends on the crowd
    25. Half-full or half-empty?: full
    26. Top or bottom?: don’t cuuuur
    27. do you/Would you dye your hair?:
    have, gay, no more.
    28. Speeding or running red lights?:
    neither
    29. Gold or silver?: silver.
    30. Bad habits?: none
    31. Piercing?: 6
    32. Erogenous Zone(s)?:
    don’t know. But it’s a cool word.
    33. "Maybe" or "Mebbe?":
    who the fuck says mebbe? That’s not even maybe
    35. What do you wish you'd done?: not broken up
    36. Fetish?: none
    37. Do you have one of THOSE voices?: maybe
    38. Jammies or naked?: sweatpants
    39. Neurotic or psychotic?: neither
    40. Do you talk to yourself?: yeah

    past
    first grade teacher's name:
    I didn’t really have a first grade.
    But stage I would have been, janet.
    last word you said: later
    last song you sang: duality- slipknot
    what's in your cd player: brand new, mix
    what color socks are you wearing: white.
    what's under your bed: boxes
    what time did you wake up today:
    a little before 12
    where do you want to go: LA
    what is your career going to be:
    photographer, art therapist
    where are you going to live:
    around la. Probably lancaster.
    how many kids do you want: 2-4
    what kind of car will you have:
    grand cherokee.

    current mood: sick
    current music: none
    current taste: none
    current hair: curly in a ponytail
    current smell: air
    current longing: to get away
    current desktop picture:
    the redwood forests in san francisco
    current favorite artist:
    something corporate, brand new,
    postal service, matchbook romance,
    tbs, more cool things I don’t wanna name.
    current color of toenails:
    french manicure with lime green and
    flowers. Haha watermelons.
    current worry: school
    current crush: none
    current hate: the girls know. Katie feels.
    Ingrid feels. Manda feels. Addy feels.
    We all feel.

    sorry, my spacing is all messed up.
    gay computers.

    Current Mood: unclean
    Current Music: duality
    1 ? <3
    4:45 am
    stuff
    today was okay.

    came home.
    showered and cleaned.

    addy and ing came over.
    then the boys.
    then lou.
    then katie.
    we watched tv.
    threw some tampons around.
    swept the grass.
    it was cool.

    the boys went up to
    fountain walk and we ate
    madd chinese food.
    then scotty drove us up
    there. talked to some kids.
    walked with kids.
    had a nice time.
    came home, chilled and watched
    godsend. talked to jay on the
    phone, but mostly katie did that.
    those two are cute together=)
    love them both uber much.
    then scotty and bryan came in
    drunk so they entertained us.
    danced a bit.
    crashed.
    had some fucked up conversation.
    we took some pictures.
    talked.
    watched some movies.

    silence of the lambs is on
    right now.
    good movie to fall asleep to
    eh?

    i love all the boys.
    and lou, and heidi, and
    addy, and katie.

    i saw laura today. i serisouly
    love that girl. when lyn and i
    hang out, maybe we'll call her.
    cause shes that cool.

    its almost 5.
    im done.

    Current Mood: loving
    Current Music: no seatbelt song
    <3
    Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
    12:46 am
    whats up
    well hello there my name is
    rachel pawlak...

    hmm well today was sooo funn.
    just soo fun...
    i hung out with amanda and
    ingrid. how could
    it not b fun. we saw princess
    diaries 2
    which was really stupid.
    i did not like it..
    at all.

    hmm i got my belly
    button pierced.

    and i love my poka
    dotted purse.

    i have a huge crush
    on clowns. i dont kno what
    it is about them...but
    they seriously turn me on.


    did i mention that
    i have incredible friends.
    and everyone is cool!...
    i dont remember me
    doin that.


    but i think i updated
    enough for today
    cause tomorrow is
    another day.

    im hangin out with
    my cool crew....

    love always,
    rachel

    *id like to teach
    the world to sing in
    perfect harmony*
    (gosh i love that song)

    Current Mood: horny
    Current Music: sex machine
    3 ? <3
    Saturday, August 21st, 2004
    11:46 pm
    today consisted of:
    --riding the tractor
    --driving to un-needed
    and random places
    --eating alot
    --tanning
    --getting burnt
    --two tracking
    --eating more

    im far too lazy and tired
    right now to go into
    detail what i did
    today.

    none of it really matters.
    it was cool.
    i got to spend it with my
    second family which is
    always fun too.

    im done.

    I hate you for what you've
    done to me.
    What you're putting me
    through.

    Im screaming in your face
    and you cant even hear me.



    I miss ingrid.
    why isnt she here?

    Current Mood: crap and stuff
    Current Music: nothing
    3 ? <3
    Friday, August 20th, 2004
    6:08 pm
    my hands are cold
    hmm.

    yesterday i went to work
    with my mom and lou.
    i might have already said
    that, i dont know.

    i think i did.

    i went and got my belly
    button pierced last night.
    the piercing part didnt
    hurt, but it stung after..
    all night, and still does
    a bit. and kinda sore too.

    im up north with lou in
    copemich. we tried to get
    ahold of ing so she could
    come but her phone wouldnt
    go through so shes home now
    =( im up here for a baby
    shower tomorrow.
    we watched supertroppers
    and starsky and hutch on
    the way up here.
    then we went to bed.

    today just ran around a bit,
    watched some movies.
    just chillin and such.

    well im off.

    later kiddo.

    Current Mood: stuff
    Current Music: lou talking
    2 ? <3
    Thursday, August 19th, 2004
    5:41 pm
    television dreams of tomorrow
    havent updated recently.

    yesterday i had registration.
    kinda gay, got hard classes.
    but i have 2 classes with
    sar. so thats cool.

    then i went to mandas.
    did nothing but cool stuff.
    talked to her mommy.
    she took us to my house.
    then lou left, i went
    to this stupid thing.
    then to jo-ann fabrics
    to get ribbon and an
    application.

    then i fed ings cats,
    went to cvs.
    lou came over, we watched
    taking lives and some other
    really weird movie.

    everything is good with
    ian and justin.
    huge sigh of relief right
    there.

    today i woke up, took lou
    home. went to my ortho
    app. then got lou, we went
    to detroit to help my mom
    in her classroom. that was
    really boring. now im here,
    just watched the end of cruel
    intentions, good movie. ate
    macaroni. im getting my belly
    button pierced tonight, im
    scared. but i've wanted it
    for like 2 1/2 years now
    so its about time.
    i think im sleeping at lous
    tonight.
    going up north tomorrow.

    i did some cool stuff,
    some gay stuff, now im
    here.

    later kiddos.

    Current Mood: scurred
    Current Music: green day- american idiot
    <3
    Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
    1:39 pm
    hm
    well im home from california.

    the plane ride sucked.
    a little girl in back of us
    shreiked the whole ride home.
    4 hours of shreiking.
    and her brother insisted on
    kicked mine and mandas seat.
    real cool.

    right when we got onto the road
    all i could smell was sewage and
    skunks. very nice.

    i woke up at 12:22 today.
    9:22 californa time
    which im still on.

    i dont know what im doing today.
    probably nothing now that im home.
    maybe a movie with lou and maria.

    i dont belong here.

    Current Mood: bleh
    Current Music: unsolved mysteries
    1 ? <3
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